Yes, "normal" relationships are most definitely possible in sobriety. I met my husband in the rooms of AA and was friends with him for almost 2 years before we ever started dating. It is a little more intense because when you are both working a program then you can see the BS as it is coming and call them on it.
A dog is a dog, drunk or sober. A commitmentphobe is a commitmentphobe drunk or sober. Sober up someone who acts like a jack*ss and what do you have? A sober jack*ss!
My best advice is to run, don't walk, away from this relationship and spend some time working on you to find out why you put up with this for so long and figure out that you deserve way better than being a sloppy second when the girlfriend is away. I have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt when I was a baby in recovery. I spent the first year and a half of my sobriety with someone who supposedly had 17 years sober but who was a very sick individual. I found out about his lies several times in sobriety and would get mad, refuse to speak with him etc. until he would apologize and I would stupidly believe that things were going to be different. They weren't. Finally I caught him yet again and ended it for good. This time I walked away and didn't look back. I hope you can find it within yourself to do the same.
In addition to the Al-Anon meetings suggested for you I would like to suggest that you check out Melody Beattie's books on co-dependency and possibly the book "He's Just Not That Into You" I haven't read it but have heard it suggested a lot for people in similar situations.
Take care, hold your head up high and know that you are better off now. Learn about who you are, what you want and while you are waiting take care of #1 which is you!
Kellye
Last edited by Kellye C; 05-30-2008 at 06:22 AM.
Reason: Many typos due to lack of sleep and caffeine.