Originally Posted by
atalose 
It doesn’t sound like you are any where near ready to forgive the past. Your daily habits and anxieties are based out of the past and until you can forgive fully and wipe the slate clean, you won’t be able to begin the future.
Well in a sense your right internally I know this, in the past I have forgiven the past but then the past repeats....its sorta insanity on my end, and while every time the healing begins those things in the past creep up and break down those building blocks.....
Our therapist has been teaching me to let my guard down little by little instead of fully so that when something does come up or happens im not completely devastated...
I am focusing on my recovery this time, which is something ive never done in the past and I hope that in the long run it nets me the strength I need to stand on my own and be stronger each day...