I was a codie detective who could give the FBI a run for their money when my son lived at home. I could get my cell phone bills faxed to me before they were even mailed (his account was on ours and I liked it that way so I could keep tabs on him *sigh*), I could paste together a subway receipt that had been ripped into a thousand pieces, I could spot dilated pupils a block away, and I could catch him in lies because with lots of practice I got to notice the teeny weeny telltale signs. I was obsessed with "catching him".
And when I did, he either denied everything, made up a lie, or admitted it with a "so what" attitude.
What did I gain? A lot of anxiety, a lot of desperate moments trying to out-think him, and a lot of shame for being so obsessed with saving someone who didn't want saving.
What did I lose? Myself, my serenity, my self respect, my values and a whole bunch of wasted time and money.
Don't feel bad, most of us here have snooped shamelessly until we found that taking care of ourselves was better than "proving that an addict was an addict". Gee, we KNEW that, and he KNEW that...so what was the point?
Glad you're here with us, hope you'll find a meeting or six and find better things to do with your time....like taking very good care of you. You're worth it.
Hugs