Hey Kermie!! Have a big ol ((((((( HUG )))))))
Originally Posted by
kermit 
...But why is it that I love unconditionaly, pray, care do all the "right" things and life always throws me curve balls, when she is cold, mean, has no compassion and has the husband, home, toys and has no financial worries?
Oh boy do I know _that_ feeling.
Lesseee, who is the one who has the strength to walk away from an abusive relationship? You. Who is the one that is a righteous Mom and is raising her little ones with love and compassion? You. Who is the one that the HP always protects by giving her people and tools with which to overcome all those curve balls? You.
Spouses? C'mon now, you can walk into any bar, wiggle your finger at some drunk or two and have a spouse by morning. Is that really what you want? Houses? Do you really want to share one with that drunk spouse you scooped off a bar stool? Or you would you rather share a peaceful and loving place with your little ones? Money? How much of it would you have with drunk smashing up cars and furniture all the time?
I dunno about your kids, but when I was a kid, if someone had said I had to give up _all_ the material things in life forever in exchange for _one_ day when my drunken parents didn't hurt me or my brother, I'da signed up in a second. Nobody ever offered me that deal, but I got a better one. I got to live a life where I am at peace with myself, knowing that I am a good man and have no guilt about anything.
I have learned that everything in life has a price. If I want a spouse _now_.... I can have one. There's lotsa bars in Las Vegas. But I have to be willing to pay the price. I'd rather wait 'till a healthy one comes 'round. Curveballs? Oh yeah, 11 heart attacks and 1 brain surgery in the last 3 years, that's plenty of curve balls I've had. Money? Sure, I'm 100 grand in debt to various hospitals, I'm gonna get that paid off before I die, oh sure.
You know what? Every single time life has dumped on me I have had the tools and the recovery with which to deal with that dumping. Every single time I have survived and overcome. Not because I dodged the dump, but because I got up, grabbed a hose and washed myself off. Every single time my HP has been there to help me shake it off, dry it off, and get back on the road of life.
Kermie, I've seen you get up, wash yourself off and get back to the business of life again and again and again. Every single time you come out stronger, healthier and a finer example of recovery for your kids and the tons of newbies that come thru here. You wanna go see a shrink? Heck, that shrink is going to learn a thing or two about recovery from you.
You just hold your head on high and do the right thing for you and your little ones. That's what you've been doing for quite some time now and you have every right to be proud of that. You keep on posting here, we're all here for you when you're hurting, just like you're here for us when we are hurting.
Mike ((((( HUGS )))))