LMH,
There is a lot of information on this website that can help you to understand the dynamics of alcoholism and how it affects BOTH of you. Keep reading, and look at the "stickies" at the top of this forum also. There's this thing called "the dance" which sounds like what you are doing. You tell him you're leaving, he cries and says he'll stop, you don't leave, he drinks again, you tell him you're leaving, he cries ....... get it?
Everyone here has been where you are and danced THAT dance. So don't feel alone, but do educate yourself on how this all is taking a great toll on YOU. When we first start searching for answers, it seems like we are looking for that magic answer of "how can I get him sober?" There is no magic answer. He has to want it very badly for himself because his life has become so unmanageable that he recognizes it is the booze. This sometimes takes years for an alcoholic to admit, and some never do.
It is a steadily progressive disease and he will get worse and worse---WAY worse, and I'm not kidding one bit. Again, read up on it until you realize that nothing YOU do or say will have any effect on his behavior. He has to really want it for himself, not because you leave him or stay or whatever.
But way more importantly, read about how YOU get dragged into the condition called codependency. That is really eye-opening and helps you to get your focus where it truly does make a difference, on you. This is hard to imagine doing at the beginning, and it doesn't even sound rational at first! Not focusing on him? But it really is the right path to take, for both of you.
I'm so glad you found your way here, and I hope you continue to educate yourself about the lifelong problems of being married to an alcoholic, should you decide to stay in your marriage. Hugs and good thoughts to you, sweetie
