Glad you joined us!
Dear LMH, most of our AH's are not abusive. I used that as a form of denial for years, "well, he isn't THAT bad!" Sounds like you have come out of your denial earlier than most of us! That is a WONDERFUL thing. Please get educated about alcoholism. It is a progressive disease and usually gets worse if not treated. My AH was like yours, for years he was a binge drinker. Then one day, many years later, he started drinking morning, noon and night. And he nearly died three different times, once in a car wreck, two times due to his heart stopping from too much alcohol. He was in stage 4 alcoholism at the age of 44. This is a kind, funny, articulate, smart man, not a stereotypical bumb on the street (although he did eventually become almost that). After 6-7 rehabs and eventually jail, he finally got involved in AA. The best thing I did during his illness, and it took me many years to accept the fact that MY life had become unmanageable, I finally had to kick him out of the house. We had two young children, but it had to be done. He got much worse after this, like I said almost dying two more times, and eventually ended up in jail. This was the beginning of his recovery. But, I had to step out of the picture totally. Some people don't have to go to that extreme, but I did. I could no longer live with the disease. He is now close to 3 years sober! He is helping other addicts now. I truly believe it is a miracle as my AH was very near death.
Please educate yourself about this disease. I am so GLAD you are here, seeking help. The Booze Battle by Ruth Maxwell is a great book to start with and CoDependent No More by Melodie Beattie is also good.
Take care of YOURSELF! You can't take care of an addict, no matter how hard you try, you will fail. This is why it is so difficult for us, we want so desparately to help them, but it is out of our control. So, we fail, then we feel guilty for failing, so we try harder to help them, eventually we alienate all of our other relationships, it is HORRIBLE. I AM SOOOOO GLAD YOU are addressing this now instead of 5, 10, 15, 20 years into your marriage.
Take care, and keep coming back!