Well, SG, you helped me stay sober tonight, so you got that going for you--which is nice
I've walked in and out of the liquor store three times tonight to buy lottery tickets. I kept winning on the scratchers, giving me an excuse to go back. I honestly don't know how I didn't buy booze--I'm in full relapse mode and haven't been to a meeting all week. I should say, because I haven't been to a meeting all week.
I hate the title, but I'm a chronic relapser too. I should have almost a year now but I fell of the wagon last fall even while working the steps aggressively, attending a lot of meetings and taking antabuse. I'm well aware that my biggest hurdle remains my spiritual void, and I continue to work on that.
I decided to check out SR tonight as I was weighing one more trip to the liquor store. I'm happy to say I remain firmly planted on the couch without the desire to drink. If I didn't read your post, I'd be gone right now, and five months sober would have reset to Day 1. Thanks for your strength and honesty and be well.