Don't ever let anyone tell you that relapse is a part of recovery. It is not, but it does occur. I am a chronic relapser. Once at 1 1/2 years, and then again at 7 years. I had to find out the truth about my disease. And that took getting honest with a sponsor and what is now my home group. It was in this process and being guided through the steps that has led to sobriety that has meaning, depth and purpose in my life today. A question you may want to consider is this.....Do you think you were part of the decision to drink again? It is the truth found in that question that lays the foundation for me working the rest of the program. If you are at a place where you can not drink and you can not not drink, then there is great hope for you. Because that is a place of hopelessness for me. I have a body that can't process alcohol like other people, and a mind that condemns me to drink. If you are honest, your truth in step one will be revealed to you. I'm glad you made it back.