This is something I'd like to know too. The man I married has vanished but I do see glimpses of him here and there. Is who he is now the 'real' him? When he is drunk and lashing out, it this what he really thinks of me or am I just a 'safe' emotional punchbag for him?
mmmm. Thinking out loud for a minute...does it really matter? I have to deal with the alcoholic him all the time now and I may be looking at our past through rose tinted glasses. Maybe he was this way but disguised it well and I just didn't see it. But I 'know' (or at least I'm trying to get it!) that I can't control him and I can't change him so I have to deal with who he his now.
Good question Sugarlily, it's made me think... I'm sorry I can't answer it!