(((Painter))))
My heart hurts for you, for being placed in this dilemma, and yes, I agree, although I don't have grandchildren as of yet, I could not place them with S.S. or foster care. No, I couldn't do it.
Just a few questions, here.
Do you have anyone who can help you out?
Someone who can come in if you need a rest period?
How about daycare? Do they attend now? Can you enroll them if they're not attending? (that could give you a breather)
Hugs to you,