Fear of the financial repercussions of leaving the A kept me paralyzed for years too. My AH was irresponsible with money but I did manage to keep him putting money into his 401k (he was constantly trying to stop contributing and wanted to empty it!) and about 5-6 years ago made it clear to him that I would not allow him to accumulate any debt (would not co-sign or pay CC's he ran up).
I was still faced with several serious issues, he would take voluntary layoff so he made a lot less income than I did (some years only 1/3 rd of what I made!). How would I get the money to buy him out of the house? Am I going to have to pay him child support? Will he get alimony because he claims that he "stayed home to raise our son"?
Several things almost beyond my control changed all that. We decided to sell our house and move to a larger one, by the grace of god the mortgage company refused to put AH on the mortgage (his crappy credit). Then I found out something that he had been hiding from me, his pension had a considerable cash value. Finally he did not get laid off for a whole year (out of fear I think) so that proved that he was certainly capable of earning a decent living. All of this happened within a year.
I never could find serenity living with an A so I don't have any advice there.
In our divorce settlement, I didn't have to give him any money, no alimony and certainly no CS (I have physical custody).
You could just separate and give it 6 months and see what happens.
I never could find serenity living with an A so I don't have any good advice there.