mistercm

Ok some of ya'll know about my NAW and that we've separated for a time to get through all of the codependency issues and for her to start into her recovery process. . . again. This past weekend, she had to go to the hospital because her legs swollen up so bad from edema, that her toes were purple. She begged her mother to take her, she wouldn’t, so she called an ambulance, they got her there and freaked out about her legs and the massive edema. Now jump to Monday, the docs say that her liver is bad, they compared the damage to a person who has been drinking high grade alcohol constantly for 10 years 24hrs a day. (Personally I can’t see how they can make that comparison, bodies are different but that’s just me) and my NAW doesn't drink, her DOC is crack, and Hydrocodone. So, they put my wife on a list for a liver transplant. Today they are checking the liver for cancer, extent of the damage, and any other problems. They are also checking out a theory of mine (after harping on them for about 2 hrs straight) about her falling asleep at moments. It’s like narcolepsy, but not as sudden. I’m thinking (And I have some medical education, but quit because of my heroin addiction) she’s having seizures, so they are going to check out her brain as well today. In the middle of all this is my MIL, who LOVES to control everything she can get her hands on, but not her own life. Well my MIL is telling me that I need to quit my job, and , her exact words “Keep an eye on your wife, and keep her in check!”. Basically my MIL wants me to quit my job, and stay with my NAW at the hospital 24/7 and make sure that she stays put. I asked my higher power about it, SHE tells me that if my NAW is going to leave the hospital to use crack, then that’s her decision, and I can’t stop that from happening no matter what. My NAW and I talked about it, and we both agreed I didn’t need to be her warden, prison guard, mother / father, and babysitter, we also realized that part of the codependency problems in our lives, is from my MIL (my NAW’s Wife) the other part is ours to own, and we're owning it.

Well it seems that my life got a little stranger than usual. My NAW was telling me that she understands if I can’t be there 24/7, and I told her I wasn’t going to be there 24/7. I feel stuck though, I want to be there, well not 24/7, and I don’t want to take control of her convalescence or her medication, and she expressed that she didn’t want me to take control of her situation, she said she this is her problem, she’s an adult, she knows what’s going on, but she wouldn’t mind a hug every now and then, or to see me or hear my voice when she’s’ scared. I’m in a hard place right now. When will this drama end???? I keep on telling my self, "It can't rain everyday"

:praying