new here, finding life a struggle
Hi all, i have been checking out sober recovery for a while now.
I am newly sober from heroin, i have not taken anything for 21 days now.
I detoxed at my dads house and am stayig with him presently.
I have had pretty bad anxiety and depression since i have been 13, i am now 24.
Currently i am on 40mgs of citalopram and 3 x 40mgs of propanolol daily.
I have been on both years before but started medication again this february after i home detoxed from methadone.
Since i have been on the citalopram my depression and anxiety has been more managable, but recently since i got clean , i have been struggling getting out and about,busy places,waiting rooms,shops etc all trigger panic attacks.
Also first week or so clean i was very down, struggled to even walk my dog, was very pessimistic, although generally i only have a few days, hours per day when i feel like that now.
I am trying to take good care of myself, eating healthily, walking daily with my dog, keeping busy, thankfully i am managing at least 5hrs sleep, when i was not sleeeping i often felt awful and wanted to use.
I currently see a counseller weekly and have been for many years on and off, i get on with her really well.
Also i have a new doctor who has been very supportive generally.
Today i went to an open day at a college and i almost didnt go in because i was so anxious, i got so upset about it i ended up crying from frustration.
I forced myself to go in, i shouldnt have as i was fairly nervous speaking to the course tutor,and i'm not sure i gave the best impression as i couldnt think straight.
I really want to move forward with my life, i havnt worked for over 2 1/2 years. I would love to be able to go to college and graduate, just having a job would be great, but mostly my anxiety has been a huge problem with acheiving these things . I have lost lots of confidence too, through being inactive.
Can anyone relate to my frustration in these early days of sobriety?
I am thankful i am clean, i would like to take the next step towards starting my future but am finding it very difficult and i end up angry with myself cause i cant control my emotions.