((((((((Makeachange)))))))))
You can post here anytime you want.
I'm sorry for what your choosing to live with. I truly am.
How long have you been married to him?
I gotta tell ya...
Some can stay in that kinda life. Some can't.
I'm one that couldn't. And that doesn't even include
whether he's a cheater or not.
I've blocked out alot of crappy memories from my life,
but let me dig deep and see if I can give you my $.02,
for what it's worth.
I was married once to an alcoholic. For 10 years, off and on.
More off than on. He'd get drunk, disappear for the weekend,
and I'd pack his stuff and make him leave. A couple weeks later,
I'd let him come home. It was horrible. I never knew if he cheated or
not. I just knew that I didn't want to live like that anymore.
The last day we were ever together, he spanked me with a flyswatter,
because I was mad at him for not working enough and bringing home
enough money to pay overdue bills. I yelled at him and he hurt me.
I've been divorced from him over 18 years now. He was still an
active alcoholic until he went to jail for a dui.
I've been married to a wonderful man for almost 10 years now.
Together almost 14. It's more perfect now than earlier in the relationship,
let me tell ya. lol
In the beginning, we were coworkers and friends. After my mother died,
I was devastated and took some time off work. When I returned, he started asking me out.
For 3 months, I said no. Then I finally gave in. He was the perfect gentleman.
I wasn't used to that. The romance spun out of control. He moved in within
3 months of dating and we even moved to a bigger place. I had 2 children.
My daughter was 4, my son 9.
Within 6 months, he began to act strange. Distant. Restless.
I started going through his things, looking for clues to explain his demeanor.
I found a letter written by a younger woman. Very discriptive about what she'd like to do with him. When confronted, he lied. They do that sometimes.
Don't even have to be a drunk or an addict. Just a man. lol
That's just my own observation and opinion. I lived dysfunction my whole life.
I knew something wasn't right. I moved into a small apartment with my two children. A week later he followed and beg forgiveness with an engagement ring. I accepted. Why not? He was a nice guy and I cared about him.
He has done everything in his power to make that situation up to me ever since. Yes, he'd cheated. It was early on in the relationship. The only tie we had was that we were living together. I felt he wanted out. I gave him that out. We've since then celebrated 9 years of marriage and it's been nothin' but great. I'll be 44 this year. I'm a strong woman and can fend for myself.
He knows this. That's why I keep him around. lol I don't have to....I want to. lol
I'm worried about your high blood pressure. You don't need grief from him.
Are you in alanon? Do you attend meetings?
Have you read Melodie Beattie's books on codependency? You need to.
We are woman!!!!!!!!!! Hear us roar.
Life is what you make of it. If you settle for less, your going to be unhappy.
We live
once. One time to live the way we want. Do you want happiness? It's not gonna fall into your lap, let me tell ya. I waited a long time for that to happen. When I reached 30 I realized it doesn't work that way. I'm not telling you one way or the other how to live your life.
I just think your worth alot more than getting hurt continuously by a man who apparently has no respect for you or your happiness.
We're here for ya either way. You wanna talk? I'll listen. You can pm me anytime.
Much love, hugs, and prayers for strength.
p.s. sorry this was lengthy. i edited alot of it. lol