Hello!
I am new here, and I found your post extremely interesting in that I am 24 and have only recently realized/come to terms with the fact that my mother is indeed an alcoholic. I come from a family that, for years now, has denied and ignored that fact that my mom is an alcohlic. My brother and I talk about it frequently, yet we never do anything. As for the rest of my family, they choose to ignore it bc when they HAVE confronted my mom, she shuts down and literally doesn't speak to any one.
My mom is VERY good at shutting people out. Over the course of her life she has successfuly "gotten rid of" many friends for reasons I don't know or understand. I know that it is likely she could disown me if I confronted her. Lately, though, I'm not sure if that's such a bad thing...bc it would be more like ME moving on with my life-which I need!
The traits you all explain sound just like her. She has always been more interested in my academic and athletic achievements, but even when I succeed in those they are soon forgotten. I have perfectionism issues. She tends to dwell on material things and has hundreds (not lying) of catalogs that she sifts through daily looking for new clothes etc. She cares about her hair, nails, clothes, and talks about every one behind their backs. When she is drunk (every night) she talks about other people repeatedly. Never anything good. She'll say one night how I can't do this and I can't do that, that I've made bad decisions in life, that I can't take responsibility for myself, that I can't make decisions on my own, and that she thinks I'm depressed and need medication. The next day when she's sober she'll say I'm fine.
In result, I am confused and agitated and anxious...looking for a way out. I DO let her bother me on a daily basis...however I know moving on will be so much better.
She doesn't work bc, well...my father has it together and has allowed her to lead a life of luxury basically-but I don't think she realizes it. He works VERY hard and always has. She drinks every night, it is like a haze sets in, and I believe her brian has actually started to not function. I think there's mush in there. Does any one know what actually happens to an alcoholics brains? She retains no information, forgets what every one says, repeats herself...and ALSO.... something I find interesting is that she has balance issues when she drinks. It is like a neurological thing. She walks peg-legged and falls down and hurts herself a lot. Like a teetering type walk. I'm waiting for the day she falls and hits her head...and no one is there.