Thank you all, I have been working so I have'nt had the chance to post. 12 hour shifts are rough sometimes.
Things are ok right now, as if there ever really is an "ok". He is out of meds right now, can't refill them until tomorrow. He is mostly quiet, kinda grumpy & states the pain is unbearable. But I do like it when his eyes are clear when he talks to me. It means alot as stupid as that sounds.
So he'll get the meds filled tomorrow and we start the process again.
I love him, I just don't know if I can/will adapt to life always being like this. Because I don't see him changing, he would have to want to & I don't think he does. So any changes will come from me. I am saying the 3 C's every day, I chant them all day long. I'm trying to work on me, a little at a time.
I get frustrated when my paycheck just dissapears from me. There are always bills to pay and we he gets low on his acct invariably he draws from mine. He usually replaces it although sometimes it can take a looooong time. It's not fair in my opinion but to try to talk about it is an automatic fight & he & I do not fight well. We're ok trying to talk about things but getting angry and yelling is just a dead end.
Sometimes facing up to your problems really sucks. I am really fighting major depression right now.
Thank you bottleblonde, I am going to read your post now.
Hugs everyone,
Teggie