Hello to all,
I have had many AHA! moments since finding this forum the last week. I have found out why my husband values money and posessions over people and feelings, and why he has never mentally 'checked in' to our marriage (he says he never loved me and that I trapped him because I was pregnant - yeah I was but he was 28 & I was 29, we were NOT children)
To make this post short I won't drone on and on about my AH problems, or my own (not attributed to alcohol, but a 'dry' ACoA mum who is deceased) because we both have a lot. My question that I can't seem to find an answer to deals with infidelity and the ACoA. Is this a common thing? He was faithful and
said he loved me for 15 years although he
nevershowed it (mama always said actions speak louder than words). I cannot get myself to trust him and he says he will never trust me with money (I ran up HUGE CC bills which for him is a NO-NO and I now
know WHY)
For the past 6 months I found my self trying to make this marriage work for the sake of the children even though the trust issue's on both our parts abound. Now, I find myself just wanting out and wanting to start over. I feel tremendous guilt over our two children having to have grown up with an Alocholic ACoA and obviously a codendent mother. Neither one of my parents drank and I my life was pretty much Brady-bunch perfect growing up, though I am stubborn and hate to admit I am wrong. I was wrong for staying as long as I did after the infidelity, because of my subborness
. I don't wan't to be stubborn and stay because he now has a label for the way he acts. BTW, we did try marriage counceling, he won't go back after 2 sessions, doesn't beleive counceling helps people. What is the best way to deal with a ACoA who won't get help for himself. He does know he grew up with an alcoholic dad, but hs dadhasn't drank in 25 years (AFTER my DH already had moved out)so he doesn't see a problem.
sorry this was sooo long, thanks for listening. Hope someone can help! M.