adam81

So here is my story:

About 4 years ago me and a bunch of my friends tried adderall (a drug used to treat add) for recreational purposes, basically to be able to stay up all night and party. It was a great time and everyone loved it, back then i was kind of shy and this little pill really gave me the personality i've always wanted, all of a sudden i would get WAY more girls at bars, etc. Since then we have all continued to take it on a regular basis.

Some of my friends are out of control with it, to the point where they use it to treat depression, perform better at work, party, socialize, and everything else it can be used for. Some are taking several pills a day and have shown some side effects that they refuse to accept.

Now in my case i have kept it a lot more under control then they did, i never snorted it, never increased the dosage as all my friends did gradually, never took more then 1 pill (30mg is the most i've taken but its usually 15 or 20s) at a time. I don't drink excessively while on it as i know that is extra dangerous but nonetheless the next day my heart beats like a 1000x per/minute for about 6 hours then it goes back to normal.

At this point i take about 2 pills per/week generally fri and sat night and on occasion i take a small dosage of ritalin (similar drug) to help study for big tests.

The side effects i have noticed (and i don't know if all are necessarily associated with it ) is some increase in fatigue, i've wrestled my whole life and in the past couple years i have noticed some decrease in my conditioning. I have no physical urge but there is a mental addiction to take it. I mean i have gone months without it before and was fine but when i do go out it's still in my head that i feel like i would be having a much better time if i was on it. I have a very weird almost suicidal impulse i get only when i drive by myself for a long period of time its like something tells me to crash the car, i have enough common sense not to do it offcourse but a couple times it got bad enough to where i had to pull over on the shoulder to chill out (again not sure if this is caused by the drug but i do not recall having this until a couple years ago.

Now i decided to finally do some research about the long term side effects and from what i've read there're definitely some very serious ones but from what i've seen people reporting them have been taking around 30mg 2x per/day now i am no where near that and i do have enough control to where i don't feel i will ever get there, again i never increased the dosage in the 4 years i've been taking it. With that said i do have some concerns after what i have read.

So anyone who has had experience with this or knows something about it please give me some advice on what this type of usage can cause later in life. I'll be honest i don't feel quite ready to see a doctor about it so i'm pretty much just asking for some advice and stories from people who have dealt with this specific thing.