Thank you all very much for not telling me I am crazy. I have read many posts here tonight that have broke my heart into pieces. I know I don't have it near as bad as some of you here. I don't even feel like I deserve to post compared to alot of you.
I think I just really needed to know that I am not overreacting & I am not psychotic like I have been told that I am.
Does he have pain? yes. Does he need meds for pain control? yes. Where it becomes a problem is when the meds are used in excess to induce a drug euphoria. He will take & take & take until he has nothing else to take. Then he will borrow to take. All in the rationalization that it's "ok" because they are prescribed and he has medical problems. Then we enter the "sickness" phase, this happens magically once a month, ironically pretty near time for med refills, he becomes lethargic, sleepy, irritable & states he is "sick" I see it as withdrawel until he can start the cycle again.
Am I making any sense? He says I don't, that I am delusional.
I sat and thought about the 3 C's tonight and how I should live them.
I didn't cause it.
I can't control it.
I can't cure it.
I have found myself looking through his shop, searching for proof. My god have I ever dropped to a new low! I am obsessed with it. At least I can see it.
Today this guy in a truck pulls up and goes out back to hubby's shop. After a bit hubby comes in & I ask who was that? He tells me he was looking for a guy who lives next door who works in hubbys shop sometimes.
Later hubby leaves to go look at a job, the same dude pulls up while he is gone and starts walking back to the shop, I poke my head out & ask what he wants? He says he is looking for so & so, I say so& so ain't here, you just asked that 30 min ago. He says ok & stomps off, obviously pissed. Later hubby returns, I tell him about it and about a hour later the same guy is back heading to the shop again. At that point I holler at the guy to leave & if he returns I will call the cops. Hubby offers no explanation only that the dude was looking for the nieghbor. I think theres more too it myself. I know it's his biz but that can potentially affect me and the kids so that makes it my biz too.
Again I am delusional, paranoid and crazy.
I think I really need to figure out how much I can tolerate. This has been going on for quite a while, I am just now really facing it. Before it was easier to be oblivious to it because I didn't want to deal with it. Whats bad now is I am in such a state of rage. He comes in looking stoned and I just want to beat the hell out of him. And I am not normally like that.
I think I need to do some serious praying tonight to my higher power.
Thank you,
Teggie