Teggie, we know when we know and your instinct is telling you that many things are wrong...what he is doing, the people coming to your home...trust your instinct and don't wait for his validation.
I'm sorry it's like it is, but maybe sit down and decide how far you will ride with this and what your "enough" point may be.
You don't have to do anything today, but stay aware and give some thought to how long you want to live like this.
We're walking with you no matter what you decide.
Hugs