Paj - I understand the feelings -- betrayal and anger. I have been wondering and wondering when the anger will go away -- and there is no "other woman" in my scenario. I wonder - am I doing something wrong, am I not doing something I am supposed to be doing, this anger is just not going away, how do I make it go away??? And there I am, trying to control things again. So I let go, for a minute, and it does go away. I had an AHA this morning that may help. When my AH and I were together and I would try to discuss anything with him that I was upset about, his reaction would be "you shouldn't feel that way". I think I have been telling myself that about my anger -- that I shouldn't feel that way. So, I gave myself permission to be angry, and I am not so angry anymore. Seems like I have to keep reaffirming that, it definately does not come automatically. But, it does seem to help!