Hmbld, I guess the big difference in our stories is that my ah is not in recovery (or at least not what I think of as recovery). He is "moderating" his drinking, but still does drink excessively on occassion.
Originally Posted by
hmbld 
I get told often that we need to do couples counseling, but I'm really just not ready for that. At this point, it would do more harm than good, rubbing salt into open wounds and such.
The above is food for thought for me. My AH and I are having a very difficult time communicating (nothing new for us, he was always drunk and I just didn't have the desire/energy to fight with a drunk).
Every time we try to communicate, we end up in a huge argument. Definitely not productive communication. So, our plan is to go to marriage counseling to have a "mediator" in the room when we discuss "hot" issues.
Originally Posted by
hmbld We're just in the initial stages of trying to be kind and respectful of each other.
I can relate to this! Why is it so much work to be kind/respectfull to my ah?
And for him to be kind/respect. of me? Why are we kinder to strangers than we are to our own spouses?
I think I just answered my own questions....because the history is not there with strangers. Strangers have not hurt us emotionally, physically, or otherwise.
Hmbld, thanks for making me use my brain!
Shivaya
