never, I dont want to hijack your thread but I want to share something with you..............my husband is a Periodic crack addict..........which means hes an addict, he uses crack but he used like every 30, 60 to 90 days.............the inbetween time hes trying to get and stay clean but hes not successfull
I use to think these were relapses but they arent
anyhow he used IN TREATMENT last Friday.......something like 80 days in treatment + clean I think
So I had to go there for a meeting.............all the way there I said to myself, be calm, tell him your glad he stayed and go to the meeting dont yell dont cry dont blame or guilt him just be indifferent.....................
I get out of my car hes right there and he follows me not talking but looking the pitiful role............Finally I couldnt do it anymore I blasted him told him how selfish he was how he hurts us over and over and could care less.........blah blah blah
I walked away and into the family meeting and told them how I couldnt hold my anger and I was told..................sometimes THEY DO NEED to see and hear how much they hurt us...................but after that WE NEED to do something diffeent, we need to look at ourselves..........
there was a much longer coversation but anyhow after the meeting, hes there again.........following me out to my car and I tell him...............you know you do hurt me over and over and your are selfish but the thing is this isnt ABOUT you anymore, I have become AS SICK as you and I need to figure out what it is in me that makes me allows me to stay with a man who doesnt love himself much less me and our family
I DESERVE MORE OUR FAMILY DESERVES MORE and believe it or not YOU deserve more than what you've given ANY of us for the last 2 years
And I'm happy your stilll in treatment FOR YOU, but alll I am longer willing to do all the things I do thats keeping you and me sick, from now on all I can and will do is let you know that I love you, and I will be at the family sessions but beyond that its time for me to work on me!!!!
And ya know what I feel better than I have in years.............I got angry I felt the guilt and worry thinking oh gosh what if my words or my not "doing" anything makes him go use again...............then I finally truely felt acceptance........................NOTHING I do can stop him from using NOTHING I DO OR SAY WILL MAKE HIM USE!!!!!
And its the same of any of our addicts............we cant expect that they will "hear" us
But we dont have to fear or feel guilty for our emotions either...............it wont make them use, they use when we're doing everything we can to keep things great for them in an effort to keep them from using ................
but really truely being perfect, or angry either way they will use UNTIL they decide NOT TO
sorry so long.............HUGS