Sometimes I am amazed
When I look at what I've gone thru since I admitted my AH was an alcoholic and a deadbeat husband, and decided to leave him, I am amazed at the changes I've gone thru. I see quite a few new folks in here who remind me of myself a few short months ago. I want to let you know where you can be in a few short months.
I left him for myself but also hoping he would change with the shock of my actually leaving. I gradually turned those hopes totally over to my HP, trusting that God would work His ways in His time. I let go my worries about AH. I let go my anger. I remain prayerfully hopeful for AH but I no longer let it affect my life.
I learned a great deal about what is going on inside my head and why I chose to marry a man I knew to be alocholic, why I stayed, why I let myself be used by him as he sat around and drank all day doing nothing.
I learned to be grateful for they 4 years I was married to this man and equally grateful to be on the verge of divorce from him. Without this marriage, I never would have done the personal growth I have done in the past 9 months. Without this marriage I would never have come to share the stories and growth of so many in here.
I am now waiting for AH to do what he can do to stop foreclosure on our house, waiting to see if he'll file bankruptcy which will buy time to sell the house but will put my divorce on hold at the 9th hour.
There ain't a danged thing I can do to change the outcome, whatever it will be.
And I am totally OK with that. I remain at peace and firmly in my personal serenity. I never could have gone thru this current crazy waiting without having survived and learned from the pain of my marriage to my AH. I could never maintained my peace and serenity without my personal recovery efforts. I could never have been so successful in my personal recovery without the love and support I have found on this wonderful forum.
So those of you who are new, read my posting history, read my words now. You can get through your personal situation and end up in a much better place. And in a relatively short period of time. Don't ever forget you can do this. Have faith in yourself and in your HP.