Hey 12 step,way to go.!!!!..You took the time to try to understand where,"she" was coming from,.That she is in fear.Boundaires,,e-h?wowow,,hard one for me also.When i got the courage to finally say that word.."no",to those who expected always for me to say yes to,i then got into a phase,of trying to explaine myself.Oh,boy..lol..On and on,and on i went for my reasons of saying no.Did they understand?No,because they wanted me to say,,yes.,and i always did say yes,,until,i learned to say no.So i stoped,explaining myself.,to the point i was overwhelmed...lol..Just kept it to a few short words,being mindful,of where they were coming from,too,Showing respect for them,and then took action.,They,threw out all kinds of hurtful words towards me,,called me,names..tried to get me to believe,in what they were saying,,and not what i trully felt in my heart...etc...But i kept in mind that i personally taught these good folks how to treat me.I was a yes,,person,,and now im not.It takes time.I was so sick the first time i did this,.Shaky,almost had to go to the toliet.But i stuck with it...Looking for my part.Am i being selfish,or is this what i need to do?.Inventory of myself to be sure,,i doing this ,saying no for the right reasons.
Thanks for letting me share,,,
one day at a time...