ZuZu
It is pretty predictable when one is on the cusp of realizing that alcohol is a problem, that the urge to "negotiate" occurs. I dare say that most of us have been there and done that.
We tend to "minimize" just how unmanageable life is. We are anxious to find a balance, thinking that balance can include our drug of choice. Other people do it, why not me?
We are desperate to find a way to keep our companion in our life somehow. Can't we just be occasional lovers? But, like a lover, alcohol has a mind and an appetite of its own. It wants all of us or none of us.
That is (our) the alcoholic's dilemma. The one we all faced. If you are like us, we can tell you how the script reads already. We can recite it word for word.
I love fine wine. Microbrews. VSOP Cognac. A man of taste. Problem is, alcohol treated me like a tramp.
It is for you to decide whether your life is unmanageable. Whether you can carry on or moderate your love affair. We tried, some of us many times. Some of us may try again. As for me, I'm through. I've done all the research I need to. I am a very "functional" alcoholic. Not ugly, not violent, but one beer leads to many. Every day. I cannot control it, no matter what I do. I negotiated and alcohol cleaned my clock every time.
Good luck negotiating.
warren