hmbld

I've not checked in here for quite some time, been just sorting things out and really doing soul searching, discovering the meaning of life and all of that happy hoo ha.

It has been a very trying year, but am better for it really. The lessons I have learned and advice I have been given in this place has been key in everything. Which is why I feel compelled to give an update.

God seems to have thrown me a bone and everything is right with the world at this point. I am doing everything that a co-dependent needs to be doing and my recovering alcoholic seems to be doing what he is supposed to be doing. It is amazing how things work when you follow the rules on the road to recovery.

I'm not saying that all is perfect, all is 100% okay, because that is just foolish and delusional when in a relationship that has revolved around addiction for the better part of it. What I'm saying is that the solutions proposed through AA and solutions towards dealing with co-dependency, really do work when you follow the rules, and don't try and make your own up or cut corners as you go along.

I am quite pleased to have a mutual understanding with my recovering A, that we are starting from square one, building back from the bottom up. I've left him alone to deal with his recovery and he's left me alone to deal with mine as a cody. I think the best thing that both of us has done is to start with the concept that of what we had in our relationship was a complete and utter fallacy. Now the work has started to determine if we really like each other in our changed state, and if we ever really loved each other to begin with or if we just liked the idea of having someone to be in love with. (if that makes any sense)

I feel so obnoxiously mentally healthy that it probably makes many want to vomit. lol I'm just happy. I know I'm good no matter what gets thrown my way. I like the fact that I no longer feel guilty about what I choose to do on any given day. I like the fact even more that my recovering A doesn't play mind games to even put me in the position to feel guilty. And it's not a game he is playing, because we all know how alcoholics can manipulate, I think he's truly found some peace with himself and a happy place he has to go with his recovery group that I am not at all a part of. He has his own thing. I have my friends, that are just a godsend, and I'm actually loving my job, not just merely tolerating it.

Life is GOOD! There are a ton more good things and bad things that are really good things that I could spend days typing out. I'm going to be a grandmother! Not the most ideal of situations as my son is only 16, but for some strange reason I feel great joy at the thought of a baby. Possibly it's a clean slate, a whole new beginning and such. But I digress.....

The intent of this post was to give hope. Not even to give hope that all will be fine and rosey living with an alcoholic, that is still yet to be determined in the pages of my life story. The meaning is that if you follow all of the irritating, pain in the neck rules that are written in books, preached in meetings and the like, it really does work. You find your way to a much better place. I've learned this through many years of trying to pick and choose what guidelines I wanted to follow, life didn't turn around for me until I embraced all the rules. And those rules suck! BUT what a difference they do make!