I4gtsm, you have been going through so much and I can understand the tennis ball analogy. I waffled back and forth for 17 years. My STBXAH is very similar to yours with narcissist tendencies as well. What I have learned is that my STBXAH is manipulative and will do or say what he needs to to keep his life the way he wants. It took me a long time to be able to acknowledge that because it hurts. My XAH is sick and his disease is cunning and baffling and his behavior is unacceptable to me. I have decided that I wil watch his behavior and not listen to the words. The words are meaningless. I will no longer be fooled by short term changes and give him applause for behavior that should be expected anyway. His life is his and I have no business parenting him. My business is myself and I have learned that I am not being neglectful or bad for tending to my side of the street.
Hang in there and keep being the terrific parent you are for your twins. I cannot imagine how tiring it must be to tend to twin toddlers and deal with your husband so you take extra good care of you!!
:ghug3