readytochange

i am brand new here. i am addicted to cocaine. i first tried it almost three years ago, but started using heavily (and quickly progressed to almost every single day) a little over a year ago.
i don't want to do it any more. i can't do it any more. i've put thousands of dollars up my nose, had to sell my car, have thousands of dollars in credit card debt from it... and most of all, i don't want to be this person any more. i don't want to need coke to function.i don't want to need to drink every night just to counteract the coke i blew all day at work so i can finally fall asleep when i'm drunk enough. i don't want to be on drugs any more.
i use about an 8ball a week. i use socially on weekends, but NO ONE knows that i use on my own other times (and often go to the bathroom and use even more by myself when other people are openly doing coke at a party). my roommate does not know. my serious boyfriend does not know.
i just don't want to be this person any more. i don't want to be paranoid and so irritable and to always have a runny nose. also, i would REALLY love any advice from other former or current users about nose damage. every morning my nose is totally clogged and hard inside and i blow out these HUGE red and white hard like, CHUNK boogers. also, when i look up my nose, i see a hole in the septum. do other people get these boogers? have i totally ****** my nose?

basically, two things: 1) are my nose problems normal? and 2) please, how can i stop? i hate ******* cocaine for taking over my life, and myself for continuing to let it rule me.