Good old mannipulation!
I posted a few days ago ("Saying no and feeling good about it")
that my ex-sisyer in law invited my son to her kid's b day party tonight. Son(age 11) doesnt like girl, she berates and embarasses him at school, so he said NO WAY. I told sis in law, she made face as in "But he MUST come, he is family"....I bascially said no and felt very ok with it.Well...................
Today, MOTHER-in-Law, er, thats EX-M I L, calls, rudely, wants to speak with son. I hear him tell her 3 times "I know its her b day, but I have other plans"...She apparently was pushing a guilt trip (ie; manipulation)saying "Are your plans more IMPORTANT than your cousins b day"????? She is an adult, he is a kid!! What a witch she is. He got so frustrated, he threw phone on floor, with her still on it!!!
I pick it up, she is pissed and asks why he isnt going,,,,so, for the 4th time I say we have other plans. Apparently that just wasnt good enough of an answer for her cus she then attacks me with "Why are you trying to seperate him from our family"???? I say" Who says I am".."ME" she says. I say not true, I gave him choice of going and HE chose not to go. Now, do you think she believed me? Nahhhhhhhh, so she keeps on and on and on (She is a good candidate for On and On Anon). I was very calm, well, as calm as I could manage, ans said I have no prob with her family seeing him at all, however, I dont appreciate her manipulating him. WELL! The latin-bomshell blew up and started in again, I just wasnt going to "Emmesh" myself with her so I said goodbye and hung up.
So now, Im shaky,,I had no regrets about saying no on my son's behalf and pretty much expected a call from her, but I was still in "Slight serenity shock loss". I call sponsor right away, he says I did right thing, HOWEVER, I may not have recognized that she is affected by Alcoholism (Her son is my ex-al Hub), so therefore her bahavior is typical, and that perhaps she was in fear that she would never see her grandson again, so maybe in future I could say no to an invitation, BUT reassure her that he will definitely see her again soon.
That sounds rational, but I do find it hard to take the high road with someone who has been so hurtful to me, so controlling. After all , this issue had nothing to do with her, she is nothosting the party,,,she was just being a nosey controlling "Youd better go the party cus its the family thing to do" person. I just dont believe its healthy or right to brow beat or question an 11 yr old. People are allowed to NOT want to go to a party, right????
So basically, my TCB (Typical Codie Behavior) was showing, and I needed to get rid of shakes. Sponsor helped with that somewhat, but then called another al anon friend, and that made me feel much better. I refuse to live with guilt for saying No, so thank god Im more comfortable with reaching out to Al-friends....I dont have to have those cruddy feelings If I pick up the phone and vent. So, just like Im doing here,,thanks for "reading".