....all of a sudden, i guess for some reason i can see his side and see how very lonely he has had to have been and how much imy actions and words has to have hurt him.
Yes, his side is lonely. But he has only himself to blame for that. You
were there, you were doing what you could to be there. He checked out.
I would also ask "aren't you lonely too?" He doesn't hold a monopoly on the sadness and loneliness this is causing. I think I4getsm has it right
"sounds like a pity party to me". It also sounds like manipulation.
Keep focusing on you and your recovery. He'll come along if and when he wants to.