thank you lucy, i really needed to hear this.
i know that i hold onto guilt. i have done it with past relationships also (and still do), so we have touched on something i really need to work on. this feeling is definitely something that i don't want to carry with me the rest of my life and i guess i am just scared that it will stay with me forever.
oh, maybe forgiving myself comes in there too.... don't quite know how to do this with some regrets in my life.
i'm learning, but geez, what a long long process, the more i uncover the more i have to really work on.
i guess the reason i feel so guilty is because i realize now that there are two sides to this story and that i am at fault also. i'm not excusing ah from his part, but i am trying to own mine and it doesn't feel good at all
so, then i beat myself with wondering if i could have saved this marriage and i'm thinking how i may never know the answer to that question and that's hard to deal with.