barb, what i feel most guilty about are two things. i feel guilty about leaving him at home by himself at dinner time to cook his own dinner and eat it alone. i mean, traditionally, doesn't a wife cook for there husband?
we used to make meals together and eat together, but then i didn't want to eat with him if he was drinking. if i cooked he would ofter criticize my cooking and try to tell me how to do it (he would do this sober too), so i guess i gave up. i would get upset if i tried to cook a nice meal and he was drinking. i felt like i wasted my effor and it was unappreciated.
then, i started going to my families and out to eat with them, because i would not know what nights ah would be drinking and before i would miss the oppertunity to go have fun with them only to find ah was drinking and we were not going anywhere.
i decided i could not plan my dinners around if ah was drinking or not so i stopped it altogher.
so, then he started not wanting me to eat anything he cooked because he made it which hurt and IF i wasn't going to do anything for him he wasn't going to cook for me. so, this lead to a compete stop of us eating dinner together at all. i get my own food and eat by myself or go to my moms or out with friends.
also, i feel guilty about denying him intimacy.
all of a sudden, i guess for some reason i can see his side and see how very lonely he has had to have been and how much imy actions and words has to have hurt him.
of course, he will not acknowledge his part in any of this and is not able to feel any of the hurt he has caused me......but i definitely see the hurt i have caused him
latee, thats great info on grief -thanks- its still hard for me to acknowledge that i am griefing a "loss" because i can't really imagine really losing him in my life and really having to grieve that loss????