hopeangel

i don't understand why all of a sudden i am feeling this extreme guilt and responsibility for what has happened with ah and my marriage?

for instance, i have been fine for months and months ( close to a year) with complete detachment from ah for the most part. i.e., not eating dinner, or cooking dinner for us to eat together, no intimacy, and leaving him at home by himself.

NOW, all of a sudden, i am extremely sad and remorseful about it. it is like i just woke up and said "oh my God, what have I done, what a horrible person I am" how could i just abandon him like that?
this feeling is awful. i know there is a lot more involved, but this feeling is overwelming me right now. part of me is saying, just stop, you have been so wrong and it is YOUR FAULT, your an awful, cold hearted person.

the only way i could see to correct it is to go back in time. i don't think i could or would be willing to do that and would it really change anything.

i think a big part of my feeling stems from ah finally noticing after months of not that i am no longer wearing my wedding ring. i told him "open your eyes" and he said "well, you haven't been around enough for me to notice." this is were the guilt and responsibility on my part really really started to hurt. those words from him that i haven't been around stabbed like a knife.

i have already apologied to ah, but perhaps another apology is needed?

please help with this...thanks!!!