((((Kate)))
It sounds like even if he is clean, he sure isn't working a recovery program. He's still thinking only of himself....he thinks of you in terms as if you leave him, he's not showing much interest in the kids.
Personally, I would keep as much distance from him as I could. You don't have to decide whether to divorce him right now...that's up to you. You absolutely have the right to stay away from him if you are getting nothing but misery from him.
I'm a recovering addict, and there is so much more to recovery than just not using. I had to realize that I made really bad choices and I hurt a lot of people. Saying "I'm sorry" just wasn't enough. I've had to rebuild trust and show, by my actions, that I want to continue to be a recovering addict...not just someone who uses.
It sounds, to me, like he's not accepting any responsibility and is still wanting to focus on anything but his addiction.
Take care of you and the kids. If he's not spending QUALITY time with them, then I don't see why he should keep coming around....other than to try to manipulate you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy