Thank you both for your words of widom and regards. It helps to know that you're not alone in this dark place. In answer to a question...no, he does not abuse me. Not physically, at least. Sometimes, certainly not all the time, he can be a bit verbally abusive and angry. You know, obscenities and mean things said. That's only when he gets crazy drunk, which is not his usual way. Usually he just gets sloppy drunk. I can honestly say that I have never been afraid of him when drunk. Hurt, yes. Annoyed and disqusted, absolutely, but never afraid for me. Afraid for him, yes.
It's funny, I just got home from an Al Anon meeting, and on the way home I was thinking the exact same thought "You're only as sick as your secrets". I believe that to be so true. I know that I should not keep them for him. Part of it has been that I think I should keep my nose out of it. Meddling, you know? The other part has been to not want to deal with his anger, because I know that sort of thing would really make him mad. But I will think about maybe responding in some way in the future to his family. He has one brother and his father, who is ailing. I don't believe I would ever say anything to his dad. But his brother has said things to me several times obviously indicating that he believes his brother no longer drinks. I finally asked him the other day why his family seems to think he doesn't drink. He told me that he didn't want to "worry" them. They know he went through "spin dry" (as he refers to it) once, which was quite some times before I met him. Man....he's been keeping up this charade for a LONG time with them. As for business associates here, yea, you're probably right. There's probably more people that know than I think there is.
I know that this is his disease and that it is, in fact, a disease. Just like I have. I work on remembering it instead of being angry at him. I am working so hard on trying to have a life despite all of this.
I was also asked if I work outside the home. I did until March 1. My job was eliminated, and I had the choice to take a lesser position or a bounus and severence package. We had planned on my leaving my job anyway because we are planning on moving. So....this whole thing is even more amplified because he lays around the house all day, and I have had no outlet. I do try to get out everyday. I can't stand to be around him all day long. I've been going to some daytime Al Anon meetings, too. It's been very hard, though. I've been praying a lot for guidance.
Thank you for your responses! Thank God for people like you.