I must be feeling a little sassy tonight. It's probably because I no longer live with my exAH. This refusal of our AH's to grow up and accept manhood/fatherhood/any hood just annoys the he!l out of me.
I'm sorry that you are aggravated with your boyfriend, Daisy. He sounds like a 15 year old whiny son or daughter to me. Boys naturally mature more slowly than girls, but if you put alcohol in the mix, they say it stops their emotional maturity dead in its tracks at the same emotional age they were when they first started drinking. Are you tired of teeange behavior yet? Didn't you think that he would stop it by a certain age?
You are miles ahead of this guy, sister. You will continue to mature and change in your dreams and values. Life does this. Your boyfriend is an alcoholic. Not only does he not see YOUR value, your wonderfulness as a loving girlfriend, he is manipulating you right into codependency without you even seeing it coming. Be aware. Go on the attack and read Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More." You may still be at the stage where you just KNOW he will one day catch up to you in the dreams you have for your future. As long as he is drinking and "retarding" his own emotional growth, you two will always be at different playing levels in the process of life. He will NEVER be the man you want him to be in your dreams, in your wistful thoughts, as long as he is drinking.
I thought that marriage would mean GROWING together, not just me acting all mom-like and responsible so my guy could play hard at life with or without me. What in the world is wrong with maturing and growing up anyway? I LOVE being mature, being wiser and more in touch with spirituality and love. I like the slowing down and taking in little moments that aging gracefully is bringing me. I revel in nuturing myself and indulging in what brings me joy. I work hard and take care of my expenses SO THAT I can have a wonderful, happy home. I love home. It's everything nurturing is supposed to be, and in this space I allow myself to accept change and even enjoy it (after that damn residual codie-scared reaction takes place first) and I know that THIS is how I am supposed to live life, at peace and in MY way.
It's okay to admit that this relationship is not progressing as it should be, Daisy. If your boyfriend doesn't quit drinking for the next 5 years and You grow even futher into becoming an ever changing, mature woman, will you still want to be living the life you are RIGHT now? If this man NEVER changes (and he won't as long as he is drinking) is he the one you want to share life with, share joys of careers, your home, children, family weddings and birthday parties and vacations?
Is he someone you will always hold high in esteem and feel lovingly proud of? Will he feel the same joy in his heart when he looks at you? A future, a marriage, involves so much challenge, tremendous changes, and also so much opportunity for growth together as a committed couple. If he NEVER quits drinking, are you prepared to NEVER have your dream?