Savy, yes I, too, hated what I had turned into. And then I blamed him for turning me into that and was resentful for always being the nag and the bitch. Don't do this to yourself. Also - realize that whatever way you've become is because of your own decisions and choices. He made one choice - to drink. You have made many choices over the years. You don't need to continue to make the same choices. You can change. You can love life again and be joyful. You will arrive at a point where there is a shift inside of you in your relationship to him. Not necessarily hatred - but more a moving away - a feeling that it's time to think about you. Don't fight this. It's your ticket out. You've earned it. Love, Chi