Take away the pillows
One of the wisest counselors I ever met when dealing with my alcoholic sons said : Any alcoholic/addict wants to get better when you take away all the pillows.
So I went to Alanon and learned that all of the stuff I was doing in the name of "love" was slowly killing them. My mother instinct had gotten very warped.
My Alanon friends taught me about letting go so they could experience their own successes or failures due to their actions. That my job was not to "save them" or "make their life easier". But to love them - sometimes from a distance!
It took a lot of practice, but I have to tell you that today the way I used to be seems like a different person. No is now in my vocabulary. As is - I'd be glad to. What a difference 25 years in Alanon has made!
So hang in - even if "things" don't get better, you will.
Love in recovery,
Jody