Many of us find that the thinking/feeling patterns that characterize our addiction manifest long before we start using. I'm sure you're already aware of that, and being aware, you also know that the process of the steps results in that spiritual awakening where we find ourselves responding to things in very uncharacteristic ways!
Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and I will say a prayer for you, and for your son (at one point, that's about all I had left to do for him!).
Peace & Love,
Sugah