Hmmmm...Interesting post and responses. It's got me thinking (always dangerous, lol) I think sometimes these days I "choose my battles." I know there are times when I accept things I shouldn't, particularly when it comes to service, because it just doesn't matter much to me. So it becomes like teflon and I'd rather laugh about it. But there are other times when I do find it unacceptable. In those situations, what I find myself focusing on is my reaction...The old say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean. Because if I get all self righteous or pissy or whiny, then I DO feel bad about me, rather than someone elses unacceptable action or behavior. I have become the unacceptable behavior. But if I express myself and then don't act like a jerk or let it ruin my evening and accept the apology, then I think my reaction is acceptable too.
I've felt uncomfortable far too many times when I see someone acting out because he or she did not like service and I must confess, i tend to judge that person moreso than the service. I think sometimes I let it go because I'm not sure I won't become that whiner so I don't want to go there. Not just because of what others may think of me, but what i think later of myself. That's okay with me, as long as I don't simmer inside or carry around resentment afterwards.
It sounds like you and Norm are much further along in the process. You let your concerns be known (even if you did make excuses for them Cat) but didn't make a big stink that ruined things for everyone. I think where I am now is taking advantage of the times when my immediate emotions don't make me concerned that I will react rather than act, and I am finding that when I use the tools I am learning across the board, the results are terrific. I CAN make it known what isn't acceptable without being a whiny witch...Not always, but more than before. And in other things I have discovered I CAN also simply radiate a sense of wellbeing and love and when I do that I am absolutely astounded by the good feelings it generates back ten fold. (I know that part is totally off topic, but it is just one of those joys of recovery that I still am amazed about!)
Thanks Cat - great thread, as always!!