I do find myself getting bitter and resentful at times but I NEVER say this to our son. I have been as compassionate as possible to H since his relapse 4 years ago- visiting him in the detoxes (he is a veteran also and went to the VA), visiting him in the residential treatment program, taking care of the million details of running a house/selling a house (at that time we were selling another house we had), full emotional support for him, etc. I do love him and when he is his loving self he makes my heart all warm and fuzzy. I do try to take care of myself too- I work out (probably not enough!!) at a gym, I read,and I see my girlfriends when I can but they are fairly busy with their own families and non-A husbands. My son is the center of my world and I want to do everything I can to give him a happy, balanced childhood. I'm sorry your Mom was so unloving and bitter with you- I can't even fathom trying to take care of 6 children and be the sole provider. I had always said to myself (before we got married) that marriage is forever;you love your soul mate forever;you work thru difficult times etc- so I am dissapointed in myself for even thinking about whether we should split up or not. But everyone has their limits and I guess I didn't realize exactly what marriage to an A entailed. MK