Hi Heather- How are you doing today? I know if it were me I'd feel the way you do when you see him. I get anxious when I know I have to see AH. I'm sure it will be that way for a while and then will be nothing. Just give yourself a break- keep working on yourself, and I bet one day seeing him will be nothing to you. I think the others who talked about his so-called perfect life are right. He's not a great guy- he has huge issues he didn't want to deal with. Having a wife and kid are not going to make them go away- they'll probably make them worse. No one has the perfect life. You take care of you, and one day you will be making babies with the one who is really meant for you- someone as healthy as you will be. (((Take care!)))