hbb

Hi everyone!

I haven't posted my own thread in a while but i need to today! Lately as a whole I've been for the most part "ok" but not so sure as of the immediate now. I think i have alot of mind wandering and "perfect couple" thoughts as it approaches my exabf having a child and just getting married a few weeks ago. Almost that feeling of that should be my life right now, not with him.

As you know we live right in the area of each other and yesterday my softball team was practicing in the park. We were having a blast and J drives by the field and it IMMEDIATELY puts me in a funk. I get really quiet, depressed and so down. I know it's him just driving by and who cares (because that's what everyone says to me) but it really bothers me lately. I wish i could put him in a bubble and blow him away or at least to the next town over!!

The only way i can explain it is it's like I'm approaching a bend in the road, just about to go around the corner and BAM i stop and get stuck there for a while. For the most part i have perfect days, weeks and so on but my anxiety level last week was so high and it's making me nuts. For the first time in a longggg time i cried talking to my mum about how I've been feeling and she asks the question, like everyone else "how could you possible still have feelings for someone who treated you so badly and is so screwed up themselves". I know what she means and to be honest i thought that if nothing else, Match would kinda steer my thoughts elsewhere. And they have for a little bit but then for some reason it goes back in the downward direction again.

I was wondering what you guys do/think when your thoughts turn toward the X. How do you turn those thoughts off that they are having this little "perfect life" and their world is all roses and candy, which i know it's probably not but I've built up such a wonderful fantasy life for them and hardly think otherwise. It's like i need that constant reminder to slap me back to reality!

I just needed to get this out! Thanks friends!