Chrysalis

I have been working through steps one and two on paper lately and although I have been feeling good about the progress I have made in the last year, today I temporarily slipped back into the insanity.

Step Two
Came to believe that a Power greater than our selves can restore us to sanity.

Part of the reading associated with this step covered the 3C's - Didn't cause it, Can't Cure it, Can't control it. Well at that moment I took out a fresh sheet of paper and I began to write how I do have power and I CAN control it.

Last May I gave my husband an ultimatum - quit drinking or get out. I gave him 18days. The codependent/alcoholic 'dance' went on until July when he did stop drinking in exchange for Lorazapam. This Feb he finally gave up both and began to work a program - I think -.

My insane writing went on about the ultimatum controlling the drinking, he did finally quit. I do have power over it because I forced him to quit, he's healthier, he's a better Dad, he is working hard at saving our marriage...etc. The book is wrong!!!

Then I came to my senses and realized...I have NO control...he quit for me not for him....he can't stand the thought of anyone thinking that he is less than the perfect man...all of what he is doing is not for him, it's because he doesn't want to lose face...he is obessed with saving the marriage not recovery. He spends every waking moment of everyday trying to show me how he has changed or to figure out what else he can do to save the marriage, to get me to love him again, to keep the family together, regardless of the countless discussions about my feelings for him being long gone.


So, I took out the eraser and erased every last insane word that I put down on paper. The got down to the business of working on Step Two. I could have torn the sheet up but it was importand that I erase each and every insane word on that sheet.

Chrysalis
aka CoDeependentMe