Thanks for the responses. It DOES help to know that I'm not alone. I have a friend who recently married her A after 26 years of dating. After just one year of marriage, he was recently diagnosed with lung cancer (along with drinking, he was also a chain smoker). The cancer has spread to his liver and his brain and he is considered a terminal patient. I tell my husband to try to learn from him- it has taken dying to finally reach him that he can't smoke and drink. My A says he could die anyday and drinking wont change that. He doesn't consider himself an alcoholic, he says he just likes the taste. And he is a functioning A - he goes to work and helps support us. I know it's a family thing - his whole family have substance abuse issues and many of them go much deeper than alcohol. I try to show him that when he is in situations such as going to a bar, the people he is surrounded by are not married (most don't have anyone in their lives) and they are people who aren't heading in the direction that we supposedly both want to go in - owning our own home, having children, doing well financially. He still doesn't see the correlation. How will he ever see it without things becoming horribly worse before they get better? How can I just let go of my worry and my "control" when if I do, he could ruin my future too?