new to list
I know this must get old, but I just found this list today and I need to vent desperately. I've been married to my alcholic husband for three years now. He has gone up and down in the degree of how much he drinks. It has been as good as drinking only a few days a week to as bad as being arrested for driving under the influence and being so drunk he's held a gun in his mouth wanting to kill himself. He has just recently completed the "punishment" of his second arrest for drinking and driving. After 18 months of not having a license and having to visit a probation officer, I thought he would learn something. I think all he learned was that he had a designated driver, and that was great. Ever since he got his license back, it has been a struggle every time he wants to leave the house. He never comes straight home after work so he can stop someplace and have "a" drink. He recently decided to go back to college. We talked about it and discussed that fact that he can't drink and expect to do well in school. He enrolled in an adult education classt to help get himself back on track for education. All good. At least it was until last week. He told me he wanted to go play darts with the guys after school. I was nervous, but decided I had to let him start earning my trust back. When the phone rang that night, I expected it to be him, teling me he was done with class and on his way to the bar. Instead, it was his teacher, wondering if everything was ok since he never showed up for class. He called about an hour later to tell me was coming home soon, he had only had 2 beers since he had gotten out of school. I told him the teacher had called and I knew he was lying. He got angry with me, saying I was mad because I couldn't control him. He got a ride home, thank goodness he didn't drive, but we didn't speak to each other for almost four days. When we have spoken to each other, it's been angry words and tears. I've said divorce and says that's not what he wants because he loves me. I don't know what I really want, except I know I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. I hate being worried everytime he leaves the house. I feel like I'm the one going crazy, doubting myself, not him. I don't know what to do next.