I've been on this forum for 4 years and I've seen tons of posts like the ones I've recieved. I've written those posts too. It seems SO EASY. I never realized until this happened that when true devastation occurs in someone's life, the "normal" suggestions don't make a dent. They just don't. Counseling (can't afford it) medication (can't afford it either) making an effort for me son....yeah I KNOW those things are needed. I KNOW I have to be strong for my son.
The thing is, for FIVE YEARS I've been the one who had to be strong for my son. I was the one who had to put one foot in front of the other. I waited, I kept his son in his life while he went to almost a year total of rehab and lived outside the house. I never spoke one bad word against him to my son. I've DONE WHAT I HAD TO DO. AND NOW I'M SICK OF IT. Sick of doing the right thing, sick of being the compassionate one, sick of accomodating.
THIS IS KILLING ME, AND NO ONE CARES.
But then again, no one can do anything that will make even one part of this any better. No one can wake him up, no one will even try. No one will tell him he's making a mistake and it's worth the rocky road to be a family. And why should they?
I sound angry and I am angry, but not with SR. Just with the fact that my life is OVER, no matter what anyone says IT IS. I know it's not ever going to get any better than what I feel today. I know it. I walk around but there just won't ever be any healing for me.