Thanks for the reply. I'm struggling to come up with boundaries. AH and I have been married for 7 years and have 18 month old twin boys. I used to be his drinking partner, but once we got pregnant, I quit. And, I haven't really had much to drink since. I just know I can't function for the boys if I party the night before and I started to realize that I was only encouraging him. (And I just stopped liking it really.) He kept drinking and kept driving and kept staying out late. He's a binge drinker...doesn't drink every night but when he drank, he drank until he passed out. This happened 3-4 times a week. I finally had it back in November. I kicked him out. He was gone for about three weeks. We saw each other during that time, and he got to visit with the kids. He admitted he had a drinking problem and started going to AA and seeing a therapist. BUT, he didn't think AA was doing anything and his therapist wasn't doing anything except telling him to go to more AA meetings. He stopped going a couple of months ago. (Big red flag, right?) I truly believe that he doesn't really see himself as an alcoholic. He hasn't had a drink since November but he hasn't really done anything to "recover".
Fast forward to last night. He went out for a dinner meeting with clients. When he got home last night, he was falling down drunk. I was FURIOUS. All I kept thinking is that he could have killed himself or someone else. I made him sleep on the couch. He was acting like nothing was wrong this morning. He did call me later and apologize but I feel like it's all just talk. Right now, there is no consequence for what he did.
So, do I tell him that if he drinks he cannot drive the car? I cannot have him drinking around my kids. That is a definite boundary for me. But if he doesn't drink at home (and finds a way home, i.e. a taxi or something), do I just keep my mouth shut? I know I need to go to an meeting for spouses because I feel like I'm either giving him an ultimatum or enabling him. It's all so confusing. I know I can't control him but I won't have him in my life if he continues to do this.
I'm just very confused. Shannon