softerlouder

Its been 30 days since my last drink. I truly believe my drinking was my response to side effects caused by my anxiety medicine. I needed comfort and sought a few drinks for comfort. I did this for a few years still unaware of why I felt so badly. I know the source, its complex. I have anxiety, I am not good on medicines, I am a not a fan of alcohol, and the alcohol started biting me back which added more pain to the mix.

Its been 30 days.

The first week was weird, I felt strange, lost, nervous, tension, sick to the stomach, shakey, dizzy, vertigo, confused, overwhelmed, fatigue.

The second week was the same but with moments of feeling great.

The third week was lots of moments feeling great, little moments of uncomfort.

The fourth week has been hard. I have had so much tension, mainly in my jaw. I feel like a constant headache. I feel the tension is causing weird muscle things in my jaw. This has been tough. But no drinks.

I don't feel a craving. But I have moments where I have weird morbid thoughts and moments of tension and moments of feeling out of breath and weak. They come and go. Then I have moments where I feel pretty good. My guess is these bad moments might be the cravings. The weird thoughts seem to be improving. The breathing and weak problem is getting better. The tension has been really tough.

I now realize the anxiety backlash I was getting from the alcohol. I was shocked because when I stopped drinking my anxiety improved. I have had some bad days but overall I think the anxiety is less and not every day on schedule.

This leads me to realize that I probably had more dependance on the alcohol than I realized. I drank for about 2 years straight, up to 4 beers a day. Never a problem, just a night cap, just a relaxing end to my day.

I started to feel overwhelmed and have anxiety times 10 and vertigo was constant over the last year. Well the alcohol might have been causing all this. My body must have been wanting more but not getting it so I was experiancing an increase in anxiety, vertigo, etc.

In many ways I feel better. In many ways I am happy to break the cycle. I plan to go to 90 days now without alcohol.

My path was probably leading to eventual alcoholism. I needed more alcohol to just feel normal, I think this is where I was heading. I didn't indulge in much, but I indulged in enough and it was everyday no break for years.


I don't feel like an alcoholic, I don't like being drunk, I don't really like drinking. I like the slight relaxing moment of having just a few drinks.

I learned a big lesson. I plan to stay away. Someday I may have a drink or two again but its going to be a long time from now and with a different understanding and perspective.

goodluck to everyone